does the pope shit in the forest
jan
Spells for Collective Liberation and Healing
Our digital garden for learning in public. Here is where we share thoughts, concepts, tools, and resources that impact our lives and relationships.
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"don't chase the highs and don't avoid the lows" huhh?!!!?!! https://open.spotify.com/episode/09Y0RDscRfCV0b09IZUfZA?si=H0ue8xHKTD6CesWeWqZvOw&utm_source=native-share-menu
pia
I'm now watching damiens video "the god making machine" (FOOORGE) https://www.patreon.com/posts/171261001
really needed to hear this
pia
Nice, first time I'm hearing of the "second arrow" buddhist parable that he mentions. https://www.shamashalidina.com/blog/pain-suffering-story/
"Being grateful for what hardship teaches you doesn't mean pretending that hardship was good. It doesn't mean injustice becomes justice, or tragedy becomes something we should celebrate. It means refusing to let what happened have the final word on who you become."
jan
started collecting thoughts on the „achiever“ archetype here: https://www.tender.garden/knowledge/the-achiever
jan
Knowledge Base
A growing and constantly updated library of concepts, tools, and resources that have been helpful to us.
Concepts (94)
Ideas and topics that help us understand our world.
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Concept
The Achiever
The Achiever or High Performer is an inner archetype focused on productivity and output. They have learned that attention equals love and think they need to work to earn it. When self-worth is dependent on attention and external validation, life can become a competition. Suddenly we start monitoring who receives more of it at the moment. Or we develop a fear of outshining others.
CreatedOctober 28, 2026
jan
Concept2 mentions
Near Enemy
"In Buddhist philosophy, there is a concept called the “near enemy.” It describes something that closely resembles a virtue, but subtly distorts it. Unlike the “far enemy,” which is easy to spot—cruelty versus compassion, despair versus joy—the near enemy is deceptive. It feels almost like the real thing." – Care in The Question Underneath "Control is often the near enemy of connection. It can look like attentiveness, like devotion, like being deeply invested. But underneath, it is not rooted in love. It is rooted in fear. It is the attempt to secure safety by managing outcomes, by anticipating harm, by tightening your grip on uncertainty." – Care in The Question Underneath - Discipline vs Rigidity - Belonging vs Othering - Growth, Transformation vs Perfectionism, Arrival Fallacy - Empowering vs Enabling, Rescuing - Receiving Love vs Attention
UpdatedOctober 28, 2026
jan
Concept19 mentions
Conflict Resolution
From being against each other to being with each other. Successful conflict resolution strengthens trust that future conflicts can also be resolved well. The nervous system needs to get used to holding the complexity of a conflict.
UpdatedOctober 14, 2026
pia
jan
Tools (25)
Exercises and practices that help us shape our world.
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Tool4 mentions
Ultimate Success Mantra
The Ultimate Success Mantra is a mantra that was developed by Gay Hendricks and presented in his book The Big Leap. It is designed to be an antidote to the Upper Limit Problem. "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same."
UpdatedOctober 21, 2026
jan
pia
Tool2 mentions
Flashlight of Awareness
Flashlight of Awareness is a form of meditation that uses the ability to move our attention like a beam of a flashlight. It lets us focus our awareness on a single thing, such as a part of our body, a feeling, a sound, or a thought. The goal of this practice is to look into a specific part of our experience with curiosity and wonder. For example, if we feel pain or stiffness in a certain body part, we can shine our light of awareness there. Similarly, when we feel a certain emotion, it can help to notice where we feel it, and what it feels like. By choosing to be the curious observer that directs the beam, we can loosen our grasp on the experience and identify less with it. - Choose a target: a body area, an emotion, or anything else you want to look at - Point the beam of awareness at it and rest your attention there - Feel into it, breathe into it (do this as long as you want) - Observe how it feels with curiosity, without trying to change it - Notice anything that comes up: sensations, images, thoughts - When your mind wanders, notice where the beam went and gently bring it back (mindfulness meditation) - To finish, widen the beam to your whole body or the room around you
CreatedOctober 3, 2026
jan
Tool1 mention
The Work by Byron Katie
The Work by Byron Katie is a method that allows us to examine our thoughts. The Work revolves around asking the following questions about a thought: - Is it true? - Can you absolutely know that it's true? - How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? - Who would you be without that thought? While it is beneficial to take the time for each of the questions and write the answers down (for example using a technique like stream of consciousness writing), the more experienced we get with the process, the easier it is for it to have an effect even when we just speak it or do it in our heads. After working with the questions, there is another principle called Turnarounds. Come up with opposites of the original statement and then find examples for how these turnarounds can be just as true. Official instructions by Byron Katie.
CreatedOctober 2, 2026
pia
jan
Resources (34)
Books and other resources that we recommend.
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Resource5 mentions
Book: The Big Leap
In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks introduces the Upper Limit Problem and shows how we can move past it. "Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure." Gay Hendricks lists 4 barriers that are causing the upper limit problem to be triggered. "If you have a deep, old feeling that there's something wrong, bad, or flawed about you, you will find yourself grappling with that issue every time you break through to greater love and financial abundance." "This thought creates cognitive dissonance, the mind rattle that occurs when you try to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time: Given that I am fundamentally flawed (or wrong or bad), how can I possibly be this happy, rich, and creative?" "The cognitive dissonance must be resolved in one of two ways: by returning to your previous thermostat setting; or by letting go of the old, limiting belief, which allows you to stabilize at the new, higher level." "You're likely to feel, at a deep and unconscious level, that your quest for a life of your own and success on your own terms has come at the cost of leaving behind your roots and being disloyal to those who loved you."
UpdatedOctober 5, 2026
jan
Resource
Article: Damien Echols on Leaving Ritual Behind
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called Leaving Ritual Behind. "For many years, ritual work was the center of my life. [...] And it worked. Unquestionably. It changed my inner landscape, sharpened my attention, reorganized my psyche, and altered the trajectory of my life in very concrete ways." "Because of that history, people often assume I must still be doing ritual work daily. [...] The answer surprises them: no, I don’t. And if ritual is done correctly, there will come a time when you don’t either." "The Buddha gives a perfect metaphor for this in the Diamond Sutra. He describes it as crossing a river. To cross it, you need a raft. The raft is essential. Without it, you will drown. But once you reach the other shore, carrying the raft on your back would be absurd. The raft has done its job. You leave it behind and continue walking." "In the beginning, ritual is a technology. [...] Ritual gives the untrained mind something to hold onto while it learns how to stay present." "Early on, ritual feels powerful because it is. The practitioner’s inner world is chaotic, fragmented, and reactive. Ritual introduces order. It creates boundaries. It teaches cause and effect on an internal level. You perform an action with intent, and something changes. This is intoxicating, because you realize it’s not fantasy, and it gives you agency where there was previously confusion and helplessness." "Over time, if the work is done correctly and with great devotion, the effects of ritual stop being episodic and start becoming structural. [...] Presence begins to appear on its own more and more often in “regular life.”" "At a certain point, ritual becomes redundant." "Ritual, in its early stages, often involves negotiation with the world…requests, invocations, adjustments. Later, that impulse disappears. The practitioner no longer seeks leverage over circumstances. Instead, they remove the internal friction that prevents reality from moving cleanly through them." "When ritual has done its job, it leaves you with something quieter and far more demanding: the responsibility to meet each moment directly, without ceremony, without insulation, and without excuses."
CreatedFebruary 5, 2026
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Resource3 mentions
Article: Care on Avoiding Boundaries
On their Substack newsletter Erotics of Liberation, Care published an article called Avoiding boundaries is not kindness. It is a refusal to risk being known in real time. "I tell myselves I struggle with boundaries because no one taught me. Because of my intersections. Because of white supremacy. Because of trauma. Because of history. And all of that is true. And, it’s not the whole truth." "I am tired of my wounds. Not in a bypassy way, not in a “just get over it” way—but in the way that comes when you realize that healing doesn’t only mean tending to pain. It also means losing the identities we’ve built around our wounds." "_The truth is: I struggle with boundaries a lot because I struggle with intimacy." "I delayed truth until it hardened into resentment because resentment felt safer than vulnerability. Resentment preserves power without risking rejection." "Over time, I’ve come to understand that boundaries are not just about self-protection; they are a direct line to my capacity for accountability. When I don’t hold my boundaries, resentment begins to accumulate." "I stay silent. I’m scared to set a boundary because I learned early on that boundaries threaten the relationship—and sometimes my safety within it. I learned that it was safer to abandon myself in service of the relationship than to risk the freedom that might exist outside of it." "When internal boundaries are weak or absent, resentment becomes the substitute. And resentment is dangerous because it disguises itself as moral clarity while actually being deferred responsibility. It says, you should have known, when the truth is, I didn’t say." "For me, resentment is often closer to jealousy than to anger. It sounds like: “Well, I didn’t say anything when you did X last fall.” What I’m really saying is: I cannot hold your boundary because I cannot hold or speak my own." "When a boundary finally appears—but it isn’t mine—the one I should have set months or years ago arrives late, charged, absolute, and often absurd. It’s not a boundary anymore. There is no room for repair then, only punishment wrapped in layers of defensiveness. Accountability, at that point, can no longer be practiced."
CreatedJanuary 30, 2026
jan